She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
