Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
tell me about the eggs
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
