i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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