He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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