I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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