Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
