How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
