I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
