i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
