just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
