Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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