Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
