dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Randomize
