I think I am morally bankrupt
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
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