you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
