i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
You took a bar mat shot.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
