I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
