Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
You pole danced in your parka.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I enjoy the company of your penis
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
