Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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