clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize