so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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