Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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