This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
i came on her dog
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
