I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
What drink are we having for lunch?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
