if i can run in heels then i can drive
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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