it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
