I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize