I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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