you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
