The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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