the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
