well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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