so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
