So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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