i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
she told me i tasted like america
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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