everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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