i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
