I want to have your abortion
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
