my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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