Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
