It was confusing and full of hummus
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
