I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
