he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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