Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
