Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
