To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
did i just pee glitter
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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