hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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