I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
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