every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
