i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize