So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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