Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
