ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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