you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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