My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
