please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
