all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
