i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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