Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
50% drunk capacity currently
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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