airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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