Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
