she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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