I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
