Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
