We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
